2936 N Maryland Ave Unit 2936

This one’s for all you beauty queens, shower sobbers and small bladdered socialites. An upper unit a block from the UWM Union with a bedroom-to-lavatory ratio that's off the charts. 4 bedrooms and 2.5 baths! All four bedrooms border on egregiously spacious so you’d better bring your interior design game. The master bedroom has two massive closets and a private half bath. Apologies in advance for the deep-seated resentment over who gets that room. Might I suggest honorably settling the matter with the ancient Japanese tradition of playing Hungry Hungry Hippos? Fun fact, Hungry Hippos is the oldest known board game in the world. Don't worry, you still have two full bathrooms with cool toilet seats to rest your sore bunzers. Nothing worse than sitting on a warm toilet seat. Another fun fact, Feudal Era Japanese believed sitting on a warm toilet seat caused your soul to be owned by the person whose buttocks last touched it–hence the nickname porcelain throne. With such a big apartment, the remaining three of you can comfortably plot against your now-frenemy residing in the master suite. Or, take the hateful conversation to the large kitchen that offers generous natural light and counterspace. I always come up with the best revenge plots over a box of Tostinos Pizza Rolls. Better yet, since this lease starts June 1, let your hatred stew under the summer's warmth on your private second floor deck. True spite is all-consuming so we'll take care of lawnmowing and snow removal. Plus, you get in-unit laundry. No more wasting time in some creepy basement doing laundry when you could be sabotaging those who have it better. And when you've finally conjured the perfect deception, you can hop in your car to get supplies before that little, annoying conscience has a chance to change your mind because we have garage parking! Did that clinch it? Great! Let's set up a showing and I'll bring my Hungry Hippos board with the defective green hippo that always wins. Our little secret ;)